DEPRESSION...WHAT REALLY IS THIS THING?

DEPRESSION…WHAT REALLY IS THIS THING?

I must have been in about 200 or 300 level in the University when I began to notice I was losing my enthusiasm towards virtually everything in life. I didn’t want to hear from my friends again, I didn’t want to go out nor pick any calls (except it was my family) and I would stay back in my room while others went for lectures and tell my friends “I just want to be left alone to think”... I was just constantly unhappy. Well thankfully, I’m not as introverted as I was when I was younger, but back then, I had a shell. I said very few words and I had just one constant companion, that was my mind, and boi did my mind deal with me!

The cause of my depression would be a topic for one good day, (and don’t worry, it wasn’t a heart break. lol) but in that season of life, I cried a lot. Oh, I cried. I couldn’t sleep. My pillow was constantly soiled in tears. I had battled rejection, fear, failure, loss, sickness you name it. I began to dwindle in my academics and what troubled me the most was that I had stopped caring. About everything. I would stay up all night feeling this large void in my heart, and constantly doing everything within my power to fill that void. I had no idea of what was lacking or not lacking, but I sure did know that life was sipping out of me…

I would randomly text my girlfriend and say “I am losing my myself” and like every good friend, she would reply and say “Sorry love. Do you want me to buy pizza for you?”  (For a long time that was a remedy to my every problem whatsoever! Judge me not.lol) Of course depression isn’t quite African per se, and so we find that most Africans don’t know how to handle it, or handle people battling with it. And I do not blame my friend, because it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t know what I was dealing with, after all, I didn’t talk much anyway. I was a typical example of a “suffering and smiling” girl. On the outer, people saw and envied this girl that had it all together, on the inside, that strong girl constantly cringed in pain. 

Some nights, and even during the day, I would turn my frustrations to God. I couldn’t understand how he loved me and would let me go through all that. All that! After pouring all my frustrations on God because I was mad at him, I would run off and go try to fix ME by myself, and end up in deeper frustration. But deep down, I always knew there was more for me in life…there just had to be more…

 Do you relate with this sort of battle? Perhaps your own battle was even fiercer than mine. Perhaps you’ve even contemplated suicide a couple of times, concluding that your life is meaningless. Here is the thing- that’s a LIE OF THE DEVIL. He just wants to waste you because he knows you have been set apart by God for greater things in life.

And hey, here are something’s I learned from that season years ago that helped me come out of that pit. 

The first –You can say NO to depression by choosing to speak up and get help. It’s a lie when your mind tells you that you can handle it all alone! Many times, that can lead to suicide. Ignore that voice of secrecy and listen to the voice of help. Today, the Speaker, Writer and Counselor in me is born just by choosing to say NO.

The second- The empty places in your heart can only be filled by GOD . Not money, not drugs, not sex, not Pizza (if you are like me), not an expensive wardrobe, not cars, not houses, not your spouse, not your children, not your degrees, accolades definitely not anything man-made. You can have all those things and still feel empty on the inside. It is a God-shaped vacuum that can only be filled by God himself. Just allow him fix you.

Fam, what other tips do you know to help our friends battling depression?

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PS: I’m always here if you need to talk to someone. Send me a mail at ajaregina33@gmail.com

Or get in touch with me on social media- Instagram @_uzorr or Facebook Regina U Aja

Until next time, love y”all. Xx!